


Healing

by Ray_Writes



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s04e05 The Poison Sky, F/M, Missing Scene, Pre-Relationship, discussion of suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 05:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ray_Writes/pseuds/Ray_Writes
Summary: Donna learns about a troubling pattern concerning her best friend from Martha, which leads to a talk between her and the Doctor.





	Healing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Basmathgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basmathgirl/gifts).



> Okay, so this one I felt inspired to write after I saw [this discussion](http://basmathgirl.tumblr.com/tagged/they-talked-about-his-%27death-wish%27) happening over on basmathgirl's tumblr. It's a subject that I think definitely could use more attention, so I thought I'd contribute best I could! To make things clear, this is a missing scene set during "The Poison Sky" between Rattigan and the Doctor switching places on the Sontaran ship and the stuff that happens at the Noble house. I hope you enjoy!

They returned to the ATMOS factory where UNIT was stationed first thing. Even if Donna wanted to go check on her family, there were soldiers who had survived the Sontaran attack and Martha needed to see them before anything. She called home instead, assuring her grandad that she was alright and had found her way back to the Doctor again, and that she would come to say goodbye before they went anywhere else.

The Doctor had wandered off to go pester that Colonel Mace again, which left Donna with nothing to do. She felt rather useless, really.

That feeling only worsened when Martha poked her head out of the little room that had been deemed her office with a kind smile. “Everything alright?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, was I bothering you?”

Martha shook her head. “Just saw you pacing.”

Donna felt her cheeks beginning to heat. “I didn’t mean to be in the way.”

“You’re not. That’s the lot of them, I’m afraid.” Martha sighed. “The Colonel really never should have engaged those Sontarans. Pure suicide.”

And Donna, without meaning to, flinched.

Martha looked at her. “You’re sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, fine,” she dismissed, quicker than normal.

Martha didn’t immediately speak. Eventually she stepped aside to make room. “I can probably find us a spot of tea if you want to sit for a bit. UNIT won’t be ready to pack up till nightfall.”

Tea did indeed sound in order. Donna took the chair opposite Martha’s and waited patiently as the other woman put it all together.

Martha passed her a steaming styrofoam cup with a chagrined expression. “Haven’t got mugs, sorry.”

“That’s alright. Thanks.” She fiddled a bit with the napkin that she’d been given as well while she waited for it to cool, and gave up on pretending she didn’t notice Martha watching her. “Suppose I’m still a bit jittery.”

“Adrenaline?” Martha guessed. “Yeah, you get used to that.”

Donna wanted to protest that she was used to it, at least mostly. Sure, most times it took a bit to come down from the high of being chased down endless corridors by some horrid creature bent on eating them or toppling a tyrannical government. And lots of times she had to busy herself in the kitchen or stay up late into whatever passed for night in the Vortex chatting with Spaceman about anything and everything to get rid of the excess energy. 

But she didn’t want Martha to think of her as  _ new _ the way the secretaries always turned their noses up at the temps on their first day in the office. Not that Martha was being anything like that, mind, but she was so brilliant and Donna knew she had to be just humoring her while Spaceman had them here.

And thinking of her best friend had Donna saying, “Well, it’s more just — I don’t know, this is probably horrid. I mean UNIT lost so many and that poor boy, but...we nearly lost him, too. The Doctor.”

“Oh.” Martha did not look nearly as pensive as the situation warranted. “You get used to that, too.”

Donna set her cup down a bit harder than necessary so that her tea nearly sloshed over the side. “Sorry, what?”

“Well, the way he goes about.” Martha shrugged. “It’s dangerous and sometimes things happen, and pretty often it comes down to a choice of who’s gonna make it. Hasn’t gotten him yet, but not for lack of trying.”

Donna gaped at her. Unwillingly, an image of the Doctor — still so strange and distant to her, not quite the man she knew and trusted and cared for completely — standing there in the torrents of water, unmoving as that secret base had continued to fill and fill rose to her mind. That same tired, defeated look had been in his eyes as he’d prepared to go up to the Sontaran ship.

“But- but that’s when things get really bad,” she said weakly. “I mean, he doesn’t  _ want  _ to…” Her voice trailed off, failing her. She couldn’t even bring herself to say it aloud.

Martha favored her with a sad look. “I don’t think he does, but I also know he wouldn’t fight it. I’ve seen him demand a Dalek army execute him if it meant they might spare a few others. Not that they probably would’ve,” she added grimly.

Donna didn’t know what to say. Her face felt hot, though not from embarrassment, and there was a dull throb behind her eyes reminding her of the tears she’d already shed earlier.

“I don’t mean to get morbid,” said Martha, apology in the very set of her eyebrows. “I’m glad you’re traveling. It’s a good time, and it changes your whole life. But the sooner you realize he’s a troubled man, the better for you. There’s a reason I gave him my phone.” Martha stared into the contents of her cup. “I think someone should always be able to check up on him.”

It was a good thing Martha wasn’t watching her now. Donna imagined she looked horrified.

“Yeah,” she managed, shaky and with a bit more breath than usual. “That was a good idea. You really were — are — good for him, Martha. And he knows that.”

The other woman looked up with surprise. Donna dragged up a brief smile and stood.

“Thanks for the tea.”

She walked, even if it seemed more like stumbling to her perspective, through the base and outside to the TARDIS. Using her key she slipped inside, though it was immediately apparent she wasn’t alone.

“There you are. Was starting to worry that visit home wasn’t a visit.” The Doctor was smiling while his focus remained on the control panel, which meant he hadn’t actually believed for one second she had gone.

“What if it wasn’t?”

He looked up sharply. “What?”

“What if it wasn’t a visit?” Donna repeated. Her voice sounded choked to her own ears and she knew she had to look awful, but in the moment she just didn’t care. “What if I decided I was staying right now?”

“Donna, what’s happened?” He practically tripped over those beanpole legs to get to her, hands landing on her arms just below the shoulders. “Did someone say something? Hurt you?”

She shrugged him off. “What would you do if I stayed home?”

He struggled to answer for a long moment once he realized she wouldn’t be satisfied without one. “I suppose I’d...drop you home, leave, and then travel for a bit. Maybe meet someone else, take them along,” the Doctor said, sounding completely unenthusiastic about the idea.

She pushed down the selfish side of her that was pleased along with the pang of what could only be jealousy at the mention of a someone else. That’s not what this was about.

“So you wouldn’t, I don’t know, fling yourself at the nearest deadly thing and wait to see if you got killed?”

The Doctor blanched. “Donna—”

“Today was nearly one of the worst days of my life,” she pressed on. “My family was choking to death, I got abducted by aliens onto their spaceship alone, and I almost had to watch you die.  _ Again _ .”

He gave another wince. “I...hadn’t thought about what that might be like for you.”

Donna was tempted to soften. But then she considered just why it hadn’t been a thought in Spaceman’s head. “Why? Cos you lost track of how many times this sort of thing happens?” Her arms crossed over her chest. “Martha told me this isn’t a fluke for you.”

The Doctor grimaced. “It isn’t — wasn’t. But, no, I didn’t forget. How could I, Donna? I...you  _ saved _ me.” His eyes were big and wide and earnestly searching hers. It was the second time he’d said that today. The first she’d been just waiting for him to catch on that he was overreacting — only now she realized it hadn’t been an overreaction at all.

“You can’t mean that,” she said anyway, the dull throbbing back and so present that she was surprised it alone didn’t bring tears to her eyes. “I’m not- I just came in after. Martha, she’s what did all this good stuff for you.”

“I learned a lot from Martha,” he agreed. “Not that she deserved to have to teach me, but it’s too late for that. And she kept me alive.”

Donna nodded, glad that was settled.

But a hopeless little smile played at Spaceman’s lips. “Donna, you don’t keep me alive because it...it doesn’t feel like I  _ have _ to stay alive when I’m with you. Life is good and it’s scary and  _ fun _ . I look forward to every day I get to spend with you, and just because it’s effortless to you doesn’t mean it matters any less to me.”

She didn’t trust her voice, yet quietly she reminded, “Today still almost happened.”

He nodded, smile dimming. “That’s true. It’d be unfair of me to call you a total cure to my...worser tendencies. All I know is I am better with you than I can be by myself.”

And wasn’t that just the way Donna felt? At home she could hardly amount to anything, but with the Doctor she helped whole planets and civilizations. She saved people.

Including him, apparently.

The ache behind her eyes finally released itself as she felt the first tears roll down her cheeks.

“No, no, no, no, no, that wasn’t supposed to make you sad.”

“I’m not, you prawn.” Donna smiled and took a single step closer before wrapping her arms around him. It took him a moment to respond, but when he did it left only her toes just barely brushing the grating. She relished the feel of him warm and solid and alive, and gratefully so. Her heart felt about to burst. There was so much she wanted to say; how important he was and that he’d changed her whole world so much for the better, the things she felt, the  _ love _ —

“No dying on me,” Donna said in his ear instead. “Not if you can help it.”

“Likewise.”

When she was set back on her feet properly, Donna pulled back to look at him. Not a trace of that look from before was in his eyes. She gave a nod, satisfied.

“Shall we say our goodbyes?” He asked.

“Can it wait for tomorrow?”

He thought about it. “I suppose. Why?”

“I just thought we could do with a bit of calm. I mean the Earth’s not likely to get attacked right away again.” She didn’t think it’d be all too good for him to run headlong into the next bit of danger either, if what had nearly just happened was any evidence. “Anyway, I barely saw you all day. That calls for a night in.”

“Good thinking.” He placed his hand in hers and let her lead them up a corridor. Maybe a movie or reading side-by-side in the library. There was always that card game from the 33rd century he’d been teaching her. As long as it was something to do together, that’d be alright.

Spaceman wasn’t the only one that could do with the company.


End file.
